My Family Tree-Part I

The family tree is the basic social institution we graduate from birth to death but only few of us honor it. We somehow kept the old cliché of family business to its superficial understanding rather than its actual business. The business of our bloodline. We have neglected the very tree that gave us life and merely know the first generation relatives. We became so busy in our own lives that family meetings or gathering happened mostly when any elderly family member passes away. The first meeting of the first cousins or relatives also coincidently happens in such unceremonious time. We often visit cities and market place for leisure and vacation but seldom visit our own home or relatives. Many of our children must have never seen their living grandparents. We know more strangers than our own family members. We became so divided that we unite only when we are dying.  

We don’t get along even if we get life time opportunity to live together in a large family or separately after marriage. We needed them the most when we were young and we are constantly drifting away from our root. We are slowly losing our identity of our bloodline and lineages. We are losing our mother tongue in a rapid pace within one generation gap. This trend will escalate in few decades and the family tree will be soon gone in next few generations to come, if we take it lightly as we are doing it right now. It is sad to know that many of us in this generation neglect to even keep the surname which is the Title of our lineage. The Title or the surname is the key to unlock the family tree and the bloodline relation for generations to come. While, many would contemplate that the lineage title and surname is only for high-end royal class family but it’s equally important for all class family. The very basic of its importance is to know how you are biologically related as a family through the generations. It may sound vague for many as we live only one generation but our generation matters a lot to our younger generation.

The surname or title predominantly gets it tag from the fathers’ surname and sadly the gender inequality in mothers persisted since the ancestral time. This is how a woman’s get the second surname after her marriage in orthodox Hindu family. First from her parents and second from her husband. Today, not necessary as they keep their inherited title. The concept of inter-cast marriage is preferred for better offspring despite the averse acceptance by the elderly members in the family. The love marriage by younger generation has taken over the family matters over the arranged marriage by the older generations. While, both types of marriages has its own pros and cons but definitely elder generation kept the family tree intact. The younger lots with modern education and life styles are gradually moving away from their own family culture and tradition.

The untimely demise of my father in 2014 left me much concerned over the dying culture in our family. He was the only son to my grandparents next to his eldest brother among five of them who practiced and preserved our family business culture from being family pujari to our linguistic master. But sadly, none of the three sons among us were able to inherit his rich cultural wisdom right from our mother tongue to annual puja mantra. Fortunately, my youngest brother is reviving and holding onto our family culture with the guidance of our first cousin brothers who are our family cultural assets next to our aging uncles.

Thus, it is a time where we draw our family tree for real and pass on to our children to let them know how far we came from our individual parents. Let us introduce them to their cousin siblings, uncle and aunts in the family group if they are yet to meet or see them personally. We may have a family zoom meeting or video conference to listen and talk to our elderly family member. This is how they learn to address family relatives and respect other than family members in the society. The disciplined children make a good family. The good family in the society makes the better society. The better society makes the better world.

The family matters least to those who think they don’t matter but family matters a lot for those who think they matter. The later makes the better world. The family matter matters and so is the family tree for it is the source we came from. This is my Rungmangcha (Rupabung) Dilpali Rai family tree of Golaytar for the Family Tree-Part I and I will cover the siblings of my father in Part II where my first cousins/relative nephews Mr.Sancha Bdr. Rai and Mr. Tara Bir Rai is already working.